Boobies, Boobies, Where Forth Art Thou?

I am flat-chested. To even quote my friend, “I’m so flat, I’m concave”.

Okay, I know I shouldn’t be making such a big deal about it because majority of Asian women have small breasts anyway but you know what, just for tonight allow me to. I’m an A-cup and quite honestly I always get teased about it. Maybe not so much because of their size but because I myself tend to make fun of my “booblets (little boobs)” anyway.

You see, I’m not remotely petite. Like NO. I mean I’d understand if some 4’11″, 98-pound girl has a chest of an 8 year old boy but I’m rather fat big-boned with not-so-unbroad shoulders. It does look awkward when I wear my push up bras and they have nothing to hold on to. No, not on my non-existent boobies, which are smaller than a serving of 1 cup of rice. Heck, this guy has bigger boobs than all of humanity me!

My female workmate actually fondled touched them once (FYI I don’t normally allow people to do that >_>) and admitted to praying to and thanking God for not making hers as small as mine. Yes, it is sad and lame.

I am not asking for Pamela Anderson-like watermelons or even them perky jugs of Jessica Simpson. I just think it would be nice to stand in the shower naked, look down and not see my toes. I have wondered more than once how to make them bigger and came up with a list (and my own rebuttals to boot) :

1. Exercise.
In women’s magazines, they usually come up with exercises which are supposed to make your boobs bigger but never, for the love of Batman work! You think I haven’t tried the “I must I must I must increase my bust” move? Dahleeng, I’ve been doing that since the third grade and all I got out of it were, well, swimmer-like shoulders and I can’t even swim.

2. Pills.
According to some trannies whome I’ve talked to, they take pills to enhance their breasts but most of those are either birth-control or hormone meds, of which I have no use for. Plus, I’m kinda scared of the side-effects. I mean, what if one day I wake up with a dick sprouting out of my left cheek?! Seriously, would that not scare you?! But then again, maybe I should try some estrogen pills if only for people to stop thinking I’m a Britney Spears-impersonating drag queen.

3. Implants.
Plastic surgery isn’t as taboo anymore as it was a decade ago and I don’t have qualms about giving it a try. The idea of silicone breasts doesn’t seem too bad, right? Right? RIGHT??? However, if I had that much money to get myself cut up, shouldn’t I be spending it on other important matters that would bring more meaning to my existence such as a complete skin treatment for a fair, flawless complexion?!

4. Make-up
Bitch. I’ve done it. Because I have issues like that. You know, to actually draw cleavage on my chest to make it appear like I actually have one. Indeed, IT FAILED MISERABLY. But hey don’t judge me, I was really young then! It was like some years ago… I think. Or maybe just last year.

I guess it’s fair to say that none of those worked for me. If you have other suggestions or ideas, feel free to leave a message. I’m not gonna get milk in these mammary glands anytime soon anyway so I’m throwing in the towel. Oh wait, crap. I still have one option left- get a boyfriend! Yeah! I heard that always works but I never knew why *innocent*.