A year ago, our class mailing list was flooded with complaints and ramblings of how real life sucks. It made me write a little essay-rant – in Filipino (because yanno, I write in my native language, too) and now I share this with everyone, both those who are still in school and those who are struggling in the real world. Also, this is to prove that I don’t use the word penis in all of my writings.

Fresh Grad Blues
090106
(Para sa UST CA4 ’06)

Biyernes ng madaling araw, alas tres. Nanunuyot na ang mga mata mo’t nagsusumigaw na pahingahin mo na sila. Ilang oras ka na rin namang nakatutok sa encyclopediang binabasa mo, este compilation pala ng mga photocopied articles tungkol sa mga kaso laban sa COMELEC. Ang dugo mo ay pinag-halong kape at Extra Joss at ang iyong mga labi, bestfriend na si Marlboro. Walang humpay ang kaibigan mo (na eventually naging kaaway mo na naging kaibigan mo ulit) sa kaka-text sa ‘yong i-email mo na yung Chapter 5 ng thesis dahil toka mo yun.

Sounds familiar?

Ito tayong lahat ilang buwan bago ang graduation. Feeling natin sobrang busy na ng buhay, para bagang napagkaisahan ng mga guro, paaralan at buong educational system na pahirapan ang mga malapit nang mag-martsa sa entablado at pilitin silang sumuko sa laban. Pero hindi, hindi maaari. Dahil sa dulo ng lahat, may nag-aabang na pa-premyo – isang diploma (at kung swerte ka, medalya pa).

I think it’s common knowledge among my peers that I am a Japanophile. Others may consider me an otaku (in its loose sense, maybe) but I swear, you could rummage through my stuff and you won’t find any hint of anime there. Okay fine, I got Love Hina but that’s Reya’s. And I have a stack of Japanese magazines, which I can’t, for the love of God read but I bought for the sole purpose of ogling anorexic, half-nekkid, androgynous boys! And sure, I have doramas, movies and whatnot and am currently listening to Salyu’s Tobenai Tsubasa but do these make me an otaku?

Anyway, people have asked me why I like the country. I’m not sure, really. Maybe I’m fascinated with the culture, with the people and maybe, just maybe, with their crack ‘coz we all know nothing beats Chepeneez crack. Hence, this entry and my little list.

1. The Utamaro Festival

Where else in the world can you find a GIANT PINK PENIS being paraded in the streets? Man, and I thought our Parada ng Lechon (Roasted Pork Parade) was winner enough. Forget subliminal phallic symbols, this is the real deal. The huge, erect manhood is in fact being carried around by transvestites and random candies in the shape of peens and bargynas are given away to the children. No shit. The festival apparently dates back to 200 years but I have forgotten what the hell it is for or even why the “statue” has to be pink. I want a miniature version though, as paper weight for my office desk. Anyone?

Reality check: My balls aren’t as big as I thought they were. I’ve always felt that I could conquer the world and pwn everyone’s faces if I wanted to but now I’m seriously doubting my skills. Starting Monday, I’d have to deal with and prove myself to some of the industry’s biggest names and I swear to God my testicles are now in my throat- and wtf, did I mention I’m a tranny girl?

Orayt, let me explain. Do you know how it feels to want something so bad for a long time and the moment it’s given to you, you suddenly want to chop it into little pieces, fry and eat it and then poop it out the window? Well, I’m having such a dilemma. I want to do it, holy fuck I do. My boss is right. This gig will put my name on the map BUT. THE. PRESSURE’S. GIVING. ME. A. NERVOUS. BREAKDOWN. KTHNXBI. Thinking about it makes me vomit inside my mouth, to be honest.