To all the girls who want to be SSB (Single Since Birth) until they’re 22 or even older, read on and learn how it is done.

1. Stuff your bra with newspaper for a stage performance.

Your mad-awesome divaliscious Mariah Carey spoof/stand up gig ought to be done in front of your entire high school, just before you graduate. If a random batchmate asks if he can touch your hardened E-cups, allow him to. Afterall, it’s just crumpled paper, right? This may hunt you ’til your grandkids get married but hey! It’ll work, I tell you.

2. When guys ask you for your number, tell them “Sorry but my parents are strict”.

Well, even if your parents don’t care if you fail your subjects or they allow you to sniff cocaine, bottomline is, guys have to know that you’re not an easy ho.

3. Sing on your first date. A Japanese song. And fail miserably.

This won’t let you down, promise. You could expect your date’s reaction to go from this ^_^ to this O_o to this -_-;; and finally this X_x. Especially if you choose an anime OST, preferably those from Magic Knight Ray Earth or YuGiOh.