Archive for February, 2008
When I was 11, my hair kinda died on me. If it wasn’t stuck on my scalp, I would’ve buried it beside my the grave of my 3rd grade diary (ain’t shitting with yah!) but you see, I had to live with it.
It had been puffy and brittle and dried ever since and quite honestly, it’s one of my biggest frustrations in life. I mean, who wants to have walis tambo for hair? Over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how fug you may be, hell, even if you have an eye above your bellybutton, if you have great hair, guys wouldn’t mind getting into your pants.
Also, just so you know, none of those hair products you see on TV work. NONE. At least, for me. So in my quest to have better hair, I’ve concentrated on the style, not so much the quality anymore because each strand of this goddam mane looks like it came from the pubis area.
To celebrate Velentine’s Day, FunnySexy and The Noisy Man decided to do a collab and go all apeshit emo about love.It is based on Ade’s brilliant quote and just so you don’t get confused, the pink pragraphs are mine and his are blue. Totally gay, I know. Enjoy it, folks and even if it’s as long as my thesis paper!
Broccoli of Dating
by Kring Elenzano and Ade Magnaye
February 14, 2008 (c)
“We are the broccoli of dating. We’re good for people, they just don’t want us.”
I’ve been single for the past 22 years and I think I’ve somehow flaunted that fact like a tiara on my head. To me, NBSB = high standards. Not. In reality, I’ve cried a little too much thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m not good enough. You see, guys only started asking me out last year. Hell, I had my first real kiss just before the 2007 elections and I have never received a love letter in my life. Not even anything that says “I crush you. Pautang naman ng pamasahe!” (I have a crush on you. Can I borrow fare money?)
I actually did that to someone. Y’see, I was broke way back in college and I needed money REAL badly. So I like looked for the ugliest fattest, richest girl I could find. So I wrote the mushiest love letter I could think of and then five paragraphs on I asked for a hundred bucks so I could afford to eat lunch. And then she probably fell in love with me then and there. Yeah, I got my lunch money but I spent the next three years of college with a fat girl hiding in the bushes everywhere I go. Also, it was scary- wait aren’t we writing about the Broccoli of Dating? Yeah, so I just got my 20th Valentine’s Day date rejection. And my fifth restraining order.
I have anodontia.
According to my oral X-ray (a friend used to giggle like an effing schoolgirl whenever he heard or read the word ‘oral’ and it annoyed the hell out of me), I have 2 out of the normally 4 wisdom teeth. One was pulled out last January 4, 2006 and the other one, well, is making its presence felt. Bitch.
Don’t get me wrong. I probably won’t be too affected by the tiny bone protruding from my upper left gums if I didn’t know how much of a horrible experience it is to have one’s wisdom tooth removed. No, really. I think I know it a tad too much. Here’s an exerpt from my old blog.