Conversation with Dad and Girl Trouble

“Don’t you have any suitors or a boyfriend, maybe?”, randomly asked my dad as he was driving me to the MRT station a few days ago. I nearly accidentally stabbed my eye with my mascara brush and to say that I was taken aback by his statement is an understatement.

I’m pretty close with my parents and we do talk a lot but topics like their sex life and my issues with love remain to be undiscussed. So yeah, I basically just answered him with a flamboyant “OMG NO I HAVE NONE KTHNXBI!”

“Why?”

I did see a hint of repressed chuckle when he said that.

“I don’t know why! You ask them guys, not me!”

“Naku anak, you’re not getting any younger ha…”

I swear to the heavens that I flipped and flailed inside the car and even did triple cartwheels with a split at the end. I could not believe my ears! Did my dad just insinuate that I start copulating having relationships with people or the hour glass would die on me?

“Well, it’s not like I don’t go out ‘coz as you probably noticed by the fact that I go home at 2 am in the morning almost everyday that I date. I do date guys. Yanno, get to now some people. But suitors? Nah. Oh wait. There was one earlier this year…”

“And?”

“He’s a friend’s friend and I just see him as a friend! I think you’ve met him before already. Plus dad, I have my standards, okay? I won’t just hook up with anyone, puhleez.”

“You’re too choosy, huh? Most girls like that end up old maids.”, he replied with a smirk.

At that point I was thinking of going down and just taking a tricycle all the way to EDSA. The moment seemed so surreal.

“So what do you want me to do? Do you have anyone to recommend or introduce to me? A student of yours, perhaps? Or someone from Binondo?”

He was silent for a while.

“I was thinking of Andy,” he said matter-of-factly “he’s a doctor. Nice guy. But he’s already 44.”

I kinda repeatedly banged my head on the windshield when he said that. I didn’t mean someone who was his student in 1983! That Andy guy (Chinese, in fact) used to visit our house during fiestas and such when I was like 2 years old. Uhm. No. No offense meant, though.

I’m not sure how that convo/topic ended but it sure was a lot of LOL. It made me realize, too, that my parents are concerned about my love life or maybe because I haven’t introduced someone “special” to them ever, they’re beginning to think I’m a… lesbian. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just not.) Nevertheless, I love my dad. He keeps me amused in many ways. I bet you he’s asking around already for possible dates for me and expects me to get married when I’m 25. WINNAR.

—

In a related note, I just finished reading a book that I bought 2 months ago. I finished it in 1 day- GIRL TROUBLE by ALAN NAVARRA. It’s the kind of book that you’d read whilst drinking spiked Milo and smoking your borolights. In the foreword, readers are warned that it may not be pretty to feminists and uhm, nuns but I am one (feminist, not a nun) and I wasn’t slightly fazed. Maybe because I watch Takashi Miike.

I really enjoyed the book and my friends who saw glimpses of the pages did, too. Even if you’re not a fan of fragmented fiction or random poetry or graphics in black and white, as long as you have a sense of humor and you acknowledge the fact that condoms do break during intercourse, you’d like Girl Trouble. It’s in Taglish. It’s the shit. Go buy it.

an excerpt from Girl Trouble by Alan Navarra pgs. 100-101

I can’t marry a rich girl because she only cleans up because she has issues.
I can’t marry a poor girl. She doesn’t need to clean because she don’t got stuff; I’ll have to buy it for her.
I can’t love a military or a rebel girl because they grown old killing a lot of people or die young fighting a war she does not understand.
I can’t love a free spirit, because she’ll leave.
Can’t marry a homebody because she’ll never leave.
Can’t love a health buff because she won’t stop buffing.
Can’t marry the fat one because she’ll never stop eating.
Can’t love the artist because she loves her art.
Can’t marry the university girl because she wants a university boy.
Can’t get down with the butcher because she stinks.
Can’t be with an achiever because she’s too square to try anything new.
The overachiever doesn’t have the time.
The underachiever just doesn’t.
The failure gets left behind.
The loyal one is a bore.
The honest ones are stone cold bitches.

Bonnie. Len. Dane. Gara. Berry. Shale. French. Melen. She. Che. Fe. Je. Me-Ann. Ness. Cora. Anch. Vita. Dita…

Mga putangina ninyong lahat, iniwan niyo ako.

…

I did a standing ovation after reading those lines, no stir.

PS: No, I don’t know Mr. Navarra and VP didn’t pay me to mention the book on my blog. Furthermore, don’t sue me. I did research on copyright and I quoted the book under fair use. Happy Holy Week.

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