My Own Koreanovela

Dear Kring,

Please stop listening to those Korean songs on your mp3 player. I know they’re the shit and all but you won’t magically be transformed into some Yun Eun-hye look-alike who’d capture the heart of a handsome coffee shop owner.

Stop. It’s annoying.

Don’t you realize you’ve been doing that for years already and still no guy has come up to you yet, telling you that he has found your notebook-cum-diary and that he has searched long and hard for you because he has fallen in love with your thoughts?

You desperately try to mumble the lyrics, singing along with ‘em but for heaven’s sake! Annyeonghaseyo, kamsahamnida and shibbal aren’t the only worlds in Korean. You should do better than that. And even if you know by heart the lyrics to Delispice’s Go Baek, no random dude (whom you insist should look like Jo In Sung whatta ambisyosa) would offer to share his jacket to you whilst you get yourself wet, walking in the rain. It’s totally stupid, not romantic.
Also, believe me when I say you look like an idiot smoking by yourself and feeling the wind against your face, half-expecting that one of the cuter Korean guys studying English in your building would ask for a light and start up a conversation with you. And maybe, just maybe, he’d ask you what song you’re listening to and you can watch his Korean face get dangyunhaji’d when he realizes that it’s Mary Story’s Nuh Eobshin Haengbokhal Soo Eubjanah (yeah, yeah, you have so much love for this band, it hurts >_>). Uhm, no. Not gonna happen, honey. Mainly because they have an innate fear of talking to natives. And you’re creepy, too.

And no matter how drunk you get from drinking soju (why not just drink rubbing alcohol, it’s pretty much the same thing anyway), do not expect to have someone rescue you from getting run over by the jam-packed train of MRT, much more give you a piggy-back ride home. For one thing, you live in FARview and also, you’re heavy. Who do you think you are anyway, the Sassy Girl? Even Elisha Cuthbert couldn’t pull it off.

From watching a tad too many Korean movies for her own good, Kring has learned that this is the way to find true love…

My dear, you are not a lead character in a Koreanovela and much as you insist that you live in your own romantic-comedy movie (which proves, by the way that you’re retarded), real life doesn’t have happy endings or rolling credits at the end. When you walk around and you hear background music that perfectly sets the mood, it’s just your mp3 player, mmkay? Not some OST. There’s no script, no director and people are not following your show on crunchyroll so no need to go to the rooftop and emote like the camera’s rolling. Seriously.

No love,
FunnySexy

ps: WTF is with you and your eyeglasses? It makes you look more like Lee Teuk, yanno.
pps: You spend 80% of your salary on clothes and boys alcohol, why don’t you get an… iPod?

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