I Wanted To Be A Pop Star

Growing up, I really wanted to be a pop star. The ’90′s was indeed the time of the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and such and I remember watching only MTV and learning all the dance steps to their hit songs. Yes, I can even dare you to a “Wannabe” showdown and I’m confident I’d pwn your ass.

So I imagined myself performing in front of thousands of people and touring the world and winning awards and having fanboys asking for my autograph or downloading photos of my… concerts.

Yup, at a young age I already knew that I wanted to be a star. Not just as a pop star but a celebrity in general. Hell, I also wanted to be an actress. Like very badly. In fact, I’ve made that oh-so-ghei-only-drag-queens-sing-it song-”FAME” my life’s theme. My fascination with it got so bad that I used to have my younger cousins line up in front of a desk and pretend to be fans asking for my signature and smile. After one’s done, s/he goes to back to the end of the line to repeat the cycle. Also, at a mall when I was 12, a random man passed me by (‘coz really, why would he talk to me?) and I whispered under my breath, “Fucker… Someday you will spazz and flail when you see me. Itaga mo ‘yan sa bato.”

Well, I’m past my teens now. Neither an actress nor a pop star. And it seriously made me wonder recently… “Am I a failure?” *insert dramatic scoring here* *close-up on my teary eyes and quivering lips* *fade to black*

Or did I just not want it bad enough?

As you probably know already, I work in the biz and get to meet local celebs. Sometimes I feel jealous that they’re doing what they do whilst I am stuck behind the camera and inside the editing room. I mean, a lot of them are talentless and a bunch of douchebags anyway, why the hell do they get paid so much just being cute and whatever?

I have a friend who had the same dream and we promised we’d both be stars together. He’s living his dream now and well, I’m doing video blogs (not that there’s anything wrong with it- just that…) What the hell happened to me??? I wanna act and be in commercials and pose for magazines and yet, I haven’t even gone to a single audition! EVAAARRR!

Are my parents to blame because they made sure I finished my education before I did TV? Am I just too lazy to get off my ass or too retarded to think I’m not “artistahin” enough? I know many people would want to trade places with me and do what I do now and yes, I’ve dreamt of becoming a director, too.

BUT. I. WANT. TO. FAKKEN. BE. ON. THE. COVER. OF. COSMOPLITAN. DEMMET.

I hate and LOL at the fact that this is kinda making me depressed… U___U Should I resign from my job now and like go on vtr’s and knock on Anabelle Rama’s door?

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