“Kring, how do you keep your skin so nice and smooth?”, a colleague once asked me. I was flattered beyond belief until I realized that she has a 400/450 vision and she wasn’t wearing any glasses or contacts. I don’t have the best skin in the world but I must say it has improved A LOT from how it was about 4 years ago. No shit. My breakouts were so tragic, a zit would sprout ON a boil bigger zit and they’d have like zit conventions on my face, which resulted to ugly scars and blemishes- in the shape of the Philippine map.

So I don’t really know what that intro has to do with my entry lolz because I present to you the *points to title*. And also, I have no intentions of becoming a beauty blogger anytime soon as that actually requires knowledge of beauty products and tips and such. These are just the things I use that rock my Sponge Bob socks and I thought I might as well share ‘em.

1. Pond’s Cold Cream

You can never go wrong with this product. Generations of women have attested to the awesomeness of the Pond’s Cold Cream and in fact, I learned about it ‘coz my mom has been using it since time immemorial. For me, it’s the best make-up and dirt remover and it’s very very affordable. If you’re also like me who does Britney Spears impersonations for a massage, you may use it for your facial erm… massage and it really does soothe your skin. Why buy those expensive make-up removers when IMO, this is the only thing that does the trick?

2. St. Ives Hair Repair Serum No Frizz

As I’ve mentioned before, my locks have always been dry and puffy and resembled hair from the pubis area. SO DEAR GAWD IF THIS PRODUCT CAN MAKE MY HAIR TAME LIKE A DANCING DONKEY IN A CIRCUS THEN HELL YEAH, IT MUST BE GOOOOODDD!!! Furthermore (naks, furthermore!), when I had my hair permed before, I’d use it to keep the curls pretty and in place.

3. Max Factor Self Sharpening Eyeliner (Black)

This is the only make-up product on the list and I tell you, I cannot live without black eyeliner. Some say it opens up the eyes but I think it does the opposite for me, which I love, as it makes me look oriental. It’s also very handy when I feel like being emo and I can smudge it around my eyes and scare people with my “It’s-Halloween-bitch-don’t-mess-with-me” look. Seriously, kids, you can never go wrong with a make-up product that Pete Wentz, Jack Sparrow and Princess Diana are/were obsessed with.

4. Vaseline Petroleum Jelly

I have so much love for VPJ, you don’t understand. Even THE Tyra Banks go ballistic over it. I personally use it for anything and everything. Hell, I would eat it for dessert if it was edible. Petroleum jelly, I find, works wonders for dry skin. If you have cracked soles, you just massage a slabful of PJ on them and cover your feet with socks before you sleep. The next day, you’d have feet like a princess’. It lightens blemishes and scars and other skin impurities, too like beri-beri. No, wait.

5. Umbrella

Ask any beauty expert and s/he’d tell you that putting sunblock before you leave the house is a fucking must. And though I agree with them a hundred percent, I realized that using an umbrella is the best way to go. I only started using umbies (lolz imbento!) after college and I’m honestly confuzzled why I never used them before. Well, I did but only when it rained. Now, I use it more when I’m exposed to the rays of the sun because not only does it prevent me from getting dark, it seriously protects from the ubearable deadly heat! I’ve observed that most of those who walk around with umbrellas are older people so Imma start a campaign to make umbies fashion accessories. Hello, Fribrella? Please get in touch with me…

That’s about it! Although (and this would sound exremely cheesy), I still believe that no matter what you use on your face or body, nothing beats happiness, peace, contentment and love- they give you that natural glow and a million dollar smile. ^_^