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- I thought of making a disclaimer that this is a non-male-bashin’ post but I decided not to. Take it however you want and please don’t make assumptions as to what evoked me to write this entry. -
“Akala ko iba ka. Akala ko ‘di ka tulad nila. Wala ka rin palang bayag. (I thought you were different. I thought you were not one of them. You, too, don’t have balls afterall.)”
I have long realized that one of the major reasons why I’m not too lucky with guys is because I think I have bigger balls than many of them. Sorry if this sounds cocky lolz. cock and balls in one paragraph ftw! but maybe, just maybe, it’s ‘coz I hang out with people my age, most of whom are still very insecured. I do not discount the fact, however, that (and I’ve been told this by A LLOOOTTT of people) I can be fierce and intimidating and look like I’m ready to slice off peens anytime.
But yeah, one of my pet peeves are guys without balls and I do mean that figuratively. I don’t discriminate against eunuchs and castrati, okay? I even made a list of the different kids of GWB’s (guys without balls) for mah ladies so they can stay away from ‘em.
1. “I have no balls that’s why I can’t fight for you.”
So you’ve been dating this guy and things are going well between both of you and then all of a sudden, over dinner, he tells you that you should stop seeing each other. Whoah WTF. Where’d that come from? Like a total wuss that he is, he then apologizes and explains that his friends and family talked to him about you and gave their disapproval (because you’re Pinoy and he’s Chinese or he’s from an affluent family and you’re not or they learned about your past and his mom went berserk).
I’m not saying I’m the biggest fan of the “you and me against the world” kind of relationships but why go out in the first place with someone whom you know your family would disapprove of? Oh, right. ‘Coz you’re an idiot.
2. “I woke up and my ballocks are gone so I would ditch you like nothing happened.”
I’m not sure if this is better or worse than the first one but let’s say you’ve been going out with this guy for a couple of months already and you’ve been lovey-dovey (and maybe intimate) with each other, albeit nothing’s official yet. You wake up in the morning to his sweet SMS’s and he’s the one you call up first if something comes up. He has hung out with your barkada, too, and you’ve even already told your mom about him. And then one day, he just stops texting. And calling. And messaging you on YM. And you panic at first and wonder what the hell’s going on. You try to reach him for weeks but to no avail until it eventually dawns on you that he has dropped you like a hot potato as if nothing happened.
Dear, seriously. You deserve none of that shit so stop drowning your self in pity and vodka. I’m pretty sure he woke up that day to find his testicles gone and that his penis has shrunk into a twig-looking thingy and he’s just too embarrassed to show him self to you.
3. “I have peanuts for balls that I can barely look you in the eyes.”
This is the most common type of GWB’s, I believe and some people would refer to them as “torpe”. I don’t mind them, really, and even think it’s somehow cute. Unless, of course they’re 23 years old or older… Those guys were probably bullied back in high school or suffered from so much rejection that they piss their pants at the idea of coming up to a girl to chat with her. They obviously wouldn’t ask out a strong, independent woman so consider your self lucky, my friend if “the torpes” don’t hit on you.
4. “My balls have evaporated so I can’t commit”
Much as I’d like to be more understanding of guys who are in pseudo-relationships but refuse to commit, I just can’t. Is it because I’m too exposed to their kind? Well, to cut them some slack, they probably have their own reasons and maybe it’s a mutual agreement, too. But what if the girl is already asking the GWB to be her boyfriend and he doesn’t want to as he still wants to screw see other people? And when he gets caught in bed doing it with someone else, he’d be all “Shuddup, bitch! You ain’t my girlfriend. What the fuck are you wailing about? ” Sure, the girl is fucking stupid but the dude is an asshole.
5. “I do not know of these testicles that you speak of so I shall break up with you through SMS/IM/my friendster status.”
I think they are the worst- not that I’ve personally encountered them in my life. Happened to some people I know so this is for you, girls…
Your world would come crashing down, too, if one lazy Sunday, while watching Ugly Betty you receive a message from your man whom you’ve been with for 2 1/2 years that says “im sry, i thnk we shd brkUp. lez st0p seeing each odr.” You look at the phone for what seems like an eternity and when reality hits you, you hyperventilate. You call him up but his phone is dead and you never hear from him again. Ever. And you just had a nice dinner the night before so there were no signs at all that there was something going on. If this has happened to you, worry not. You’re not alone. Even a huge Korean star recently experienced it.
It isn’t limited to text messages, however. Some girls have been dumped through yahoo or msn messengers. Yup, their men are such jerks that they can’t even give their ladies a call. Hell, how about not hearing from your guy for weeks only to read on his friendster profile that his status is “Single”?!?!
A mature conversation between two adults won’t hurt, don’t you think? How about talking about it over dinner or if you GWNB’s can’t look them in the eyes, at least talk to your girlfriends over the phone where you can explain your side clearly. Don’t leave ‘em hanging in the air just like that ,chanting “what the fuck!?” over and over again. Wait. I forgot. Only real men break up properly and they GWB’s obviously are not.
Yeah. So that’s about it. If it sounded too angsty or male-hating, well, too bad. Just a reminder again, these are my opinon and I’m entitled to them. If you disagree with what I said, then make your own blog entry about it. Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan, ‘wag magagalit. Ang OA sa comment, guilty i.e., walang bayag lolz!
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November 27th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I’m still deciding which GWB I am in the list.
November 28th, 2008 at 12:01 am
1. I have a friend who was recently dumped by her boyfriend. Nung first two months super suyo sya at super labas sila na my friend didn’t have time for me the n all of a sudden nakipagbreak si lalaki dahil sa kuwan na dahilan na sya mismo di nya maexplain but it has something to do with the family and friends din. Sana umpisa pa lang di ka na nanligaw kay girl kung in the first place alam mo na walang patutunguhan, diba?
2. Bakit naalala ko yung movie na totoy mola haha wala lang lolz
3. TORPE. TORPE. TORPE. Yan palagi naeencounter ko and the sad thing there is ang daming unanswered questions up to this day. Hindi ko din naman pa kayang ako ang umamin or mag-initiate kay torpe kasi dalagang pilipina naman ako LOL so ang ending? Wala. Friends forever and ever lang.
4. I have a friend na ganito pinagdaanan. Mga lalaki talaga todo effort sa panliligaw pag sila na presko na masyado tapos kapag nahuli na may kalokohang ginagawa akala mo pa kung sino na kesyo walang planong sabihin or di naman talaga sila official. Hay grrrr #*@&$&!
5. May kilala rin ako na super heartbroken dahil ganito ginawa nung ungas na ex nya. Kapag tinatanong naman why all of a sudden nagchange ng status, di na nagttext, di nagparamdam hindi naman sasagot. Leche. Ano ba naman ang isang usap lang na masinsinan diba? Labo.
Ayun. Sorry Kring haha timely itong post na to haha
November 28th, 2008 at 12:10 am
@ Coy
Uhm, did you just admit you don’t have balls?
@ Micamyx
… *speechless* I know, dear. TIMELY TALAGA.
November 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I hate to admit this, but I think I belong to the number 3 category… Sort of? Oh wait. Err, yeah.
Most of the time, I’m shy around girls, especially the ones who are really good-looking, nice and sweet. Common sign of my shyness: I don’t talk that much face-to-face, cover my mouth with my hanky. If in a group, I don’t talk at all. If one-on-one, I stutter more. And I think you definitely know about that.
But sometimes, I step out of my comfort zone and “do the unthinkable”. Take my first LRT ride with my first Valentine date for example. The time my dear friend went down at Gil Puyat station, I followed her out then I hugged her from behind. In public. While other people are walking inside, outside and around the station.
At that time, it didn’t matter for me what people would think. All that matters is that I followed what I feel like doing. And she told me online on that same night that it’s her first time a guy hugged her aside from her father and her little brother. She even told me that she can feel my hear beating louder and faster while I hugged her. But that’s all good! She smiled at me and what I did, and that’s great for me and her.
But yeah, I’m still “torpe” no matter how many explanations I give. *cries* Or maybe I’m just “inconsistent”? What do you think?
November 28th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Booooo! I’m a 2/5 … wala akong bayag!
November 28th, 2008 at 5:54 am
This is in no way to defend GWB#2 but something doesn’t quite add up. I can understand how the other “kinds” fit in with the bayag-less description because they relate to personal issues / attitude deficiencies / upbringing fail. But somehow, #2 leaves me a bit confused. Baka na-turn off yung guy or nag-selos or hindi na kaya maghintay – eh sobrang hurt kaya lumayo na lang. Or like how the forwarded text goes:
“don’t be surprised if one day I avoid you and be gone… It’s not that you’ve done something wrong and I hate you but because I’m 2 afraid to love and be hurt again…”
La lang…
PS (pahabol sana): Is it good or bad when a girl says “Don’t raise your hopes up too much coz I like what we have now as friends” when you’re ‘relationship’ is like how it’s described in GWB#2? Sorry if I made you feel like you’re a dating advice column, haha!
November 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Gee, all this talk about testicles sure made me hungry!
I think I’m a 4. Maybe. Back in High School, at least. DON’T JUDGE ME! >:E
It’s surprising how many times I’ve seen the Friendster Status-Dump thingie happen.
November 28th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
@ The Deranged Writer
Nah, I really think you’re torpe. That girl you hugged from behind just happens to be uber special… *winks* Although if that happened to me, I would’ve thrown a fit and beat you up or somethin’.
Wow, ala-Micamyx sa comment!
@ Paolo
Wow! Another guy who admitted he doesnt have balls! WHOOHOO!!!
@ Rich Mulach
Hmm… You seem affected ha! XD
I think the crucial part of the paragraph is this:
“You try to reach him for weeks but to no avail until it eventually dawns on you that he has dropped you like a hot potato as if nothing happened.”
Sure, nag-selos… di makahintay. But really, I think the other party deserves an explanation, even if there’s no commitment yet. Ano ba namang sabihin mo yung rason, dba? You don’t just up and leave. That’s rude in my books.
Yun lang. ^_^
@ Badeyes McBlind
You like eating testicles?
I think the friendster-dump thingy is just… not… awesome.
November 28th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Of course, I won’t do that to you. I don’t really use hugging as my frequent way of showing appreciation to someone dear, anyway. Siguro, honest yet sweet words or poking nagagawa ko sa girl nang madalas. Or simple acts of kindness, pwede narin yun. Funny thing is, I look like someone who doesn’t do all of those. Apathetic-looking much?
And I am intimidated at you for a bit the first time we met personally… I think that “fear” grew now? Oh well, you’re YOU and I’m ME. I just hope that won’t hinder me from getting to more about you.
November 30th, 2008 at 12:15 am
ZOMG I just realized that I am a GWB magnet! rotflmao!!! and the very latest is the #s 2,4 and 5! >.<
November 30th, 2008 at 12:31 am
tinamaan yata ako.
o siya, magpo-propose na nga ako ng kasal sa iyo.
no?
ktnxbye.
LOL
November 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@ The Deranged Writer
LOLZ. Anubear… You make it sound ’sif I’m Julia Roberts in Notting Hill. Haha. No, really. I’d like to believe I’m approachable, don’t you think?
@ Hannah
3 out of 5? THAT IS SAD. And you do know you deserve better, right?
@ Bilycoy
Where’s the ring?
December 1st, 2008 at 3:18 pm
If a guy doesn’t do something even half decent to deserve your attention, don’t waste your time. Because, yes, he probably doesn’t have balls to begin with.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Have had some bad experiences with GWB 1, 2, 3 and 4. PFT!
*hugs*
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:10 pm
4/5 zomg, is that why you’re asking all those questions at plurk?
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
lol.
nice post…care to xlink?
December 6th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Lol. I think this is my first time to comment Kring, but I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now.
Lemme share some experiences with these GWBs. =)
1.) Just after you fell for him and you’re ready to go into a relationship with him, he fell out of love with you already daw. And when you asked for another chance, he told you that you weren’t worth the risk anymore.
2.) He needed to leave because he had to study somewhere else. Your long distance relationship was going well. After all the promises he made and told you he’d fulfill them all when he gets back, he suddenly tells you that it’s not working anymore because presence really matters. And only to find out from a friend that he replaced you with someone far from him too.
3.) He left you with out saying goodbye. Just like that, he left you hanging. Then after a few months, he came back and apologized then told you that it was all your fault because you didn’t give him a reason to hold on.
4.) Everything was fine. Both of you were madly in love with each other (or maybe you thought). Then one fine day, he texted you and told you that he got his friend pregnant.
See, they can be a bitch at some point, too.
December 12th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I’m a number 2. I think. I don’t know why but I probably sleep at the wrong bed.. I mean, the wrong side of the bed.
February 7th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
lol!!!! you really made me laugh!! —“My balls have evaporated so I can’t commit”
what a line from a GWB! hahahahaha!!!!
where did his ball go then??
humalo na sa acid rain??
hehehehehe!!!
NICE ONE!
February 8th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Not male-hating at all. It’s not like you’re saying that all men are like that. And guys who fit in with any of the five categories were asking for it anyway. I just wish they’d also get a kick in their nonexistent nuts, but you can’t deliver that through blogs… yet.
I think the worst is when the guy gets a girl pregnant. Before he knows she’s carrying his effin’ kid in that womb, he’s all, “I love you. I’ll never leave you. You’re the world to me [insert more bullshit here].”
And then bang! Girl drops the news. Guy goes, “Whoa! I’m not ready for this! Good luck though.” Then flies out the door and picks up another chick faster than you can say “mofo’ing manwhore”.
I didn’t think it was possible to get a girl pregnant without balls, but there you go.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm
[...] read. Following a few hyperlinks from one blog to another, I chanced upon this post entitled “I Love Guys Without Balls! (and Lance Bass is totally straight)” – you can say that the title did it, it got me [...]