This is Chris Tan and he’s my boss. Boss as in you know, my employer. He’s had a blog for about a year now and practically no one reads it. Mr. Tan claims that he doesn’t really care, that he writes for himself and not for other people. However, recently, he’s been bragging to me that his traffic has spiked like whoah and that sooner or later, he’d have more fans than I do. I just roll my eyes when he says thing like that.

Anyway, he complains that I don’t even link him here. Well, guess what, sir Chris. Imma use my convincing power (if it even exists) and HOPEFULLY get my 3 readers hooked on your blog. Emphasis on ‘hopefully’.

As the title says…

1. He’s a storyteller.

In fact, he claims he has “the gift of gab” and of course, I would never contest that, given that I love my job. He actually talks A LOT. Like seriously. And it translates to his writing. Sometimes he’d say “I woke up this morning really late because my alarm died on me so I rushed to get to the office because I have a meeting, only for me to realize that it’s only Tuesday today. But it’s okay ‘coz on my way here, I saw this really hot girl in the elevator and maaaaaannnn was she flirting with me! So I spent the last two hours cyber stalking her on Facebook and it’s 2pm already. I’m hungry. You wanna grab a bite?” when he could’ve just said “Let’s have lunch, I’m starving!”

Trufax.

2. He’s the president of Mensa Philippines.

‘Nuff said. Also, if you don’t know Mensa, well, not that I’m judging you or anything but… there’s always Google.

And so I wasted three hours of my life earlier today when I wrote a profound blog entry, in which I poured out my heart and soul yet again, only for WordPress to go batshit crazy and eat everything up, which made me VERY VERY pissed. So now, no thought-provoking entry for you, dear readers.

BUT YOU GET A LOT OF KRING CRACK (and updates on the past 3 weeks that I’ve been MIA on this blog)

1. I’m on UNO. No, not stacko, you idiot! Uno as in the magazine. October 2009 issue! Woot! *insert head-banging here* And no, I obviously was not the chic on the cover because I don’t have C-cup breasts like those and no, I wasn’t on a spread inside either. I was part of a feature on page 94 and my photo was as tiny as my oil-blotting paper. BUT! That’s not the point. I can now proudly say that I’ve been on both Uno AND FHM this year! Huzzah! Please buy a copy, my friends! I’m sure you’d find more awesome things on that issue than my un-photoshopped face.

Photo that did not make the cut. Lol @ no make-up and Sky Flakes!

“Kring has actually brought back prodigal gay men to the fold of manhood. It’s true.”

Dear blurb writer, who are these gay men that you speak of and WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?!?! GIMME THOSE GAY MEN!!! Akin na ang mga bakla!!!

aka Please Give this Blog Entry a Chance.

I’ve had the chance to rest and think over the past week (much thanks to my flu -_-) and this is the result of my musings. Please be nice, I was never a literary writer. I just needed to pen this down.

The following events may or may have not happened in real life. Also, if you can, you might want to listen to Canon in D while reading this.

~~~
It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon. After three hours of sudoku, chatting with friends and Mafia Wars, you get bored and decide to do something with your life.

You head to the mall- because it’s the national past time and you’re but a conforming Filipino. It is more packed than usual, with the gigantic letters S-A-L-E plastered on the facade of the building.

“Fuck.” a whispered curse escapes your lips. You suddenly regret being there, being amidst a pool of enthusiastic shoppers and crying toddlers. Your feet drag you to the nearest coffee shop because that’s what you’re there for, really- to be alone in the corner, contemplating about life, whilst sipping expensive coffee. Or tea latte, as your prefer it. No 3-in-1 tea lattes are available in the market and that’s your lame excuse to be rid of the guilt of buying a beverage that costs more than a poverty-stricken man’s daily salary.

You find your spot. It’s cozy and gives you enough view to watch people and not be seen in return. One of those times when you want to be but a wallflower.