I literally just got home from Super Show 3. My ears are ringing, and I can hardly breathe. I’ve been down with the flu for almost 3 days now but what do you know, I still managed to watch a concert amongst thousands of screaming fans with imploding ovaries. This fan account would be incoherent and senseless. You’ve been warned.

The back story

Happee invited me and Jimmy for the press con earlier but unfortunately, the boyfriend is still a PKW (Provincial Korean Worker – don’t judge me, he coined that term) and couldn’t make it. He really wanted to, not for SuJu but ‘coz he has a big crush on Happee. LOL. I was all geared up to go to the press con when she texted that it’s been canceled. Buuuut she invited me to watch the show instead! Yeeeeey! So I was there as “Media” (which I am, btw >___>) and ended up at the VVIP area, about 20 feet from the stage.

That’s my view. Perfect for flashing Kim Hee Chul.

I WAS FUCKIN’ PWND. It was better than I ever expected. Because it appeared that the seats were all occupied already, I went to the space with the cameras and lights and chatted with the TV crew. They were from ABSCBN news.

Everything from this point onward are Kring’s thoughts during the show, not necessarily in chronological order.

- I have to save my energy. I cannot scream or spazz too much. I will die. 
- Wow! So many fans… I wonder if my friends are here. I’m so hardcore, I’m watching this thing alone.
- Awww… some girls asked to have my pic taken with them. ^^;;
- Dad texted: Wru?
Me: Araneta
Dad: Aren’t you sick? Why did you leave the house?! What time will you be home?
Me: Ehhh! Basta… Around 11pm.
Dad: You’re so stubborn. You should’ve just stayed home and rested. Where are you in Araneta?
Me: Coliseum.
- *cough cough cough* OMG. I need water. *goes to the bouncer* “Kuya, can you ask a seller to come here? I need to buy water.”
- Oh, it’s Korina Sanchez! She’s gonna interview Happee! Wait, how the hell can they hear themselves????

Super Show 3 on Rated K.

- *fans scream* Dear audio man, good luck. Hope you don’t lose your job.

I would’ve put this on the My Korean Boyfriend blog but I feel like he deserves this spot on FunnySexy! JejeKim, I don’t think you have the slightest idea how much I hate you.

I hate your fashion sense, or lack thereof. Sometimes I wonder if you’re really Korean because Koryan guys are supposed to be “fashionable”, right? But your style is non-existent reminds me of a 16 year old boy who was forced to sell insurance. I thought we already agreed that I’ll be your coordi noona? Why do you always put back on the rack the clothes that I pick for you?!?!

I hate the fact that you’re not romantic. I have always imagined my future boyfriend to be all suave and shit like Fabio, and perhaps has even mastered the Spanish language. But nooo! Sweet as you are, you have never serenaded me, written me love letters or even baked me a simple chocolate canelle de bordeaux!

I hate your eyes because they’re four times smaller than mine. But your face is twice bigger!

And I wasn’t even wearing contact lenses!

Dear teenage girls,

Hi, I’m Kring. You probably do not know me but I got some  unsolicited advice for you. Don’t worry, I’d like to believe I’ve grown up to be a well-adjusted person and you can ask my friends and colleagues if you doubt my credibility. I’ve been keeping a journal (for a couple of years) and a blog (since 2004) and I have pretty much chronicled my growth for more than a decade through my cringe-inducing entries. I guess it’s safe to say that I have grown up a lot (more than you have, for sure) – physically, mentally, emotionally and heck, even financially.

Along with growing up are the lessons learned the hard way (or from just dealing with other people), which I’d like to share with you. I do not want to impose or tell you what to do because when I was 16, I hated it when people told me what to do, too. However, I’m pretty sure even Oprah and Tyra would agree with me on these things. Are you ready to listen to auntie now? Here we go.

Trust me on this one. Do not have a relationship early. Your relationships and heartaches will end up defining you (and chances are, you won’t end up with the person you’re with when you’re 17 anyway unless you’re Gladys Reyes). When I was younger, I HATED the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend or a guy to call my own when almost every girl had her arms around a pimplish teenage boy with B.O and bad breath. My advice? Date. Date. Date! Go out with as much guys as you want but do not get into a relationship UNTIL YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE (believe me, you don’t know who you are when you’re 19). When you finally become a woman, and you will feel it when it comes, then you’re good to go!

They say that the human brain only fully develops when you’re 25 or older so you might want to put off getting a tattoo until you’re old enough to take care of your parents and pay amortization and other adult shit like that. I wanted one when I was 19 and boy, am I glad my mother threatened to kill me if I ever get one (Vic Zhou’s name on my lower back? REALLY???) Also, do not do drugs, not even try it. It is evil and was regurgitated out of Satan’s ass.

Totally hot, right? That’s you 50 years from now!