Letters to Victor (Part 1)
Oh gosh. I never thought I’d make these public and I’m not even sure it’s a good idea. Okay, whatev. This blog is all about honesty and insanity anyway. I reconnected with an old friend for a project and well, this was brought up. I used to like him. A LOT. SO MUCH. I have actually long forgotten that I even wrote him these letters, which were originally written in secret (on my diary) but eventually I wrote them down and complied ‘em into a hand-made booklet because I was a hopeless-romantic idiot like that.
Looking back, we just laugh about it now but man, I never realized how emo and intense I was. Ewww. We were seriously cringing when I read this out loud while we were hangin’ out a couple of weeks back. DAFUQ WAS I THINKING??? Anyway, it’s in the past now and so many things have happened since (but really, I was soooo pathetic).
Sharing this here for the lolz and well, you might learn a thing or two from this as well. Oh and Jimmy, I love you.
Letter #1 – September 11, 2007 – 12:05 am
Who are you? No, really, who the hell are you and more importantly, why did you just come into my life now? To this moment, I still am in awe of every single word that came out of your lips. They were all so surreal and absurd and unbelievable and beautiful at the same time. And until this minute, too, I’m still taken aback by your person.
You are perhaps the nicest yet one of the most shy guys I’ve met. No, you are kind, spiritual, smart and everything else that makes for a great guy to bring home to mom. I admit, I had a crush on you ever since the photo session and I vied for you throughout the competition- until last night- when we talked, and my whole perception of you changed.
It felt to me, like an out-of-body experience. My brain was rejecting the things you were saying as we discussed about topics ranging from love to eating disorders. It didn’t seem right because everything you said was right. Honestly, if more guys, no, if all guys are like you then I won’t have to exert effort to stay thin and be pretty to be liked and accepted. Reading your blog right now is like getting sucked into a world I never thought existed. You have blown me away in more ways than one.
But I shall deny these feelings once again because at the end of the day it would be just another sad, unrequited love story. And quite honestly, I’m sick and tired already of playing the lead roles in those kind of make-believe movies.
Letter #2 – September 13, 2007 – 10:56 am
A few hours ago, somehow, you changed my life. Your words seeped into my flesh and now a part of me, you own. I know it was crazy what we just did – you and I, driving along Commonwealth Ave in the wee hours of the morning, stopping by a gas station, eating chocolates and I, finally pouring out my feelings to you. No, it wasn’t a confession of love for I am not in love with you anyway. It was me peeling off all the layers of my being and showing you my barenaked soul. You are one of the few who has seen the vulnerable girl beneath my tough exterior and even I am amazed at how comfortable I was revealing my self to you. Victor, you make me feel safe. And valued.
Even though I have already said it, I just can’t say it enough. You are a good person. Compared to you, most guys I’ve met in my life are puny and disrespectful and I do wish and pray that more people, both men and women, are like you. Most of all, I wanted you to know how amazing, awesome, wonderful and beautiful you are… and I feel so blessed to have shared that moment with you.
It’s just sad, however, that we have to keep it our little secret. That one of the most life-altering moments in my life will be shared by just you, me, my diary and God. Wouldn’t it be great to tell other people how happy I am? But then I know this is not the end but merely the beginning of a colorful and life-long friendship. I would treasure you forever.
Letter #3 – September 14, 2007 – 4:33 pm
I’ve been thiking about it. The night we spent together was like the first time I prayed in tongues – it was surreal, emotionally intense, overwhelming and most of all, I have to dig deep within the recesses of my mind to check if it really happened and wasn’t just a script I wrote for a movie…
Oh gawd. More letters coming up this week! So, what did you guys think about this
and my craziness? Can you guess who this person is? Hahaha!
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