I just wanna say THANK YOU to everyone who’s been following this blog! More than the hits (which have been continually increasing in the past two months), I’ve been receiving private messages on facebook, comments here and on twitter and even emails from readers who say they enjoy my crack posts and videos.

I know I don’t have a fan base or anything but I am grateful to have been given these talents, or whatever they may be, to somehow inspire people, especially the younger ones. And I don’t even get creepy messages from random men who just want to get into my pants or I dunno, marry me or something (and if I do, I’ll give them my virtual middle finger).

No make-up, just love and happiness! ^__^ Also, pads.

I would’ve put this on the My Korean Boyfriend blog but I feel like he deserves this spot on FunnySexy! JejeKim, I don’t think you have the slightest idea how much I hate you.

I hate your fashion sense, or lack thereof. Sometimes I wonder if you’re really Korean because Koryan guys are supposed to be “fashionable”, right? But your style is non-existent reminds me of a 16 year old boy who was forced to sell insurance. I thought we already agreed that I’ll be your coordi noona? Why do you always put back on the rack the clothes that I pick for you?!?!

I hate the fact that you’re not romantic. I have always imagined my future boyfriend to be all suave and shit like Fabio, and perhaps has even mastered the Spanish language. But nooo! Sweet as you are, you have never serenaded me, written me love letters or even baked me a simple chocolate canelle de bordeaux!

I hate your eyes because they’re four times smaller than mine. But your face is twice bigger!

And I wasn’t even wearing contact lenses!

Dear teenage girls,

Hi, I’m Kring. You probably do not know me but I got some  unsolicited advice for you. Don’t worry, I’d like to believe I’ve grown up to be a well-adjusted person and you can ask my friends and colleagues if you doubt my credibility. I’ve been keeping a journal (for a couple of years) and a blog (since 2004) and I have pretty much chronicled my growth for more than a decade through my cringe-inducing entries. I guess it’s safe to say that I have grown up a lot (more than you have, for sure) – physically, mentally, emotionally and heck, even financially.

Along with growing up are the lessons learned the hard way (or from just dealing with other people), which I’d like to share with you. I do not want to impose or tell you what to do because when I was 16, I hated it when people told me what to do, too. However, I’m pretty sure even Oprah and Tyra would agree with me on these things. Are you ready to listen to auntie now? Here we go.

Trust me on this one. Do not have a relationship early. Your relationships and heartaches will end up defining you (and chances are, you won’t end up with the person you’re with when you’re 17 anyway unless you’re Gladys Reyes). When I was younger, I HATED the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend or a guy to call my own when almost every girl had her arms around a pimplish teenage boy with B.O and bad breath. My advice? Date. Date. Date! Go out with as much guys as you want but do not get into a relationship UNTIL YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE (believe me, you don’t know who you are when you’re 19). When you finally become a woman, and you will feel it when it comes, then you’re good to go!

They say that the human brain only fully develops when you’re 25 or older so you might want to put off getting a tattoo until you’re old enough to take care of your parents and pay amortization and other adult shit like that. I wanted one when I was 19 and boy, am I glad my mother threatened to kill me if I ever get one (Vic Zhou’s name on my lower back? REALLY???) Also, do not do drugs, not even try it. It is evil and was regurgitated out of Satan’s ass.

Totally hot, right? That’s you 50 years from now!