This was an incident that happened three years ago, around the 3rd quarter of ’08. I have long forgotten about it, buried it in my past and moved on with my life. However, as the family was doing some spring cleaning earlier today, I uncovered something in the bodega (storeroom) – an old wall clock with something written on it. I knew it was a sign. I just had to write about it.

To you, to the guy who will be the “central character” of this story, please do not think I have a grudge against you or that I wanna destroy your reputation. Trust me, NO. If I did, I would’ve published this right after it happened. I will never reveal your identity nor give clues as to who you are. I have no emotional excess baggage from this experience and I’ll just be sharing facts. Don’t be hatin’ and plz no dramarzz (also, if you comment, then they’ll find out who you are)!

And to my readers, well, this might get me in trouble but I hope you learn a thing or two from my mistakes it. It’s gonna be a long but crack-filled ride so buckle up.

~~~

2008 was a really hazy and crazy year for me. Almost every night after work, I’d go out to watch a movie or have dinner with friends or drink until I get shit-faced wasted. I wasn’t in a relationship then so I went out and hung out with different people – guys and girls, young and old alike. Some I considered dates, the others, not at all.

2008: Crazy times! For the record, I NEVER DID DRUGS. And that’s not the creepy guy.

Around July 2008, I met this guy. Let’s call him “Wolowitz” (excuse The Big Bang Theory reference). Wolowitz was a pretty decent guy. He had friends, he had skills, he was from a good university and he had a job that allowed him to interact with different people. On that first night, I already knew that he had a thing for me. No, I wasn’t just assuming. While we were talking, he took a photo of me with his phone and immediately made it his wallpaper, replacing Alodia’s image, if my memory serves me right.

[wp-like-locker]I should have taken that as a bad sign but hey, I was young and stupid. Plus, nobody warned me about him. I just later learned about his escapades with other girls, who also weren’t very amused by his ways. Yes, I personally got to talk to a couple of them, so no, I wasn’t being paranoid.[/wp-like-locker]

- I thought of making a disclaimer that this is a non-male-bashin’ post but I decided not to. Take it however you want and please don’t make assumptions as to what evoked me to write this entry. -

“Akala ko iba ka. Akala ko ‘di ka tulad nila. Wala ka rin palang bayag. (I thought you were different. I thought you were not one of them. You, too, don’t have balls afterall.)”

I have long realized that one of the major reasons why I’m not too lucky with guys is because I think I have bigger balls than many of them. Sorry if this sounds cocky lolz. cock and balls in one paragraph ftw! but maybe, just maybe, it’s ‘coz I hang out with people my age, most of whom are still very insecure. I do not discount the fact, however, that (and I’ve been told this by A LLOOOTTT of people) I can be fierce and intimidating and look like I’m ready to slice off peens anytime.

But yeah, one of my pet peeves are guys without balls and I do mean that figuratively. I don’t discriminate against eunuchs and castrati, okay? I even made a list of the different kids of GWB’s (guys without balls) for mah ladies so they can stay away from ‘em.

1. “I have no balls that’s why I can’t fight for you.”

So you’ve been dating this guy and things are going well between both of you and then all of a sudden, over dinner, he tells you that you should stop seeing each other. Whoah WTF. Where’d that come from? Like a total wuss that he is, he then apologizes and explains that his friends and family talked to him about you and gave their disapproval (because you’re Pinoy and he’s Chinese or he’s from an affluent family and you’re not or they learned about your past and his mom went berserk).

I’m not saying I’m the biggest fan of the “you and me against the world” kind of relationships but why go out in the first place with someone whom you know your family would disapprove of? Oh, right. ‘Coz you’re an idiot.